Harri returns with an apparent explosion in language skills. At the meeting with Isabella yesterday (which went very well and I shall talk more about at another time) she mentions, co incidentally, that should we see his language skills improve vastly over the next year it would verify the diagnosis of probable Aspergers. Apparently the primary differential between high functioning Autism and Aspergers is the process of language development.
I note his sudden ability to put two or more words together. He can almost recite the entire 'round and round the garden like a teddy bear' sing-song. His eye contact with me is also excellent in comparison to previous weeks. I allow myself to go to that place I promised myself I would stop visiting. That questioning. Could the diagnosis be wrong? Could they have misinterpreted what they observed? Could he be just a little quicky, but fundamentally fine? It's a very easy space to revisit, and a painful space to leave once you observe more closely and see. See those behaviours and mannerisms that fit ever so neatly into the diagnostic criteria of ASD. The glimmer of hope is dashed once again and the sinking pit moment resumes. Then the self talk to rally back to a more realistic, yet not pessiminstic, outlook.
This emotional cycling happened a couple of times a day for the initial 72 hours after first reading his assessment report. Now it is not so pronounced, but I imagine continues for quite some time before those final strings of denial are snapped.