To Melatonin or Not To Melatonin.

From the moment Harri arrived he struggled with sleep. I recall the nurses insisting they take him from me about 12 hours after his birth so I could snatch a few hours rest. Something I had been unable to do with him in my care as he would only nap while being held and rocked. I awoke an hour after they removed him, anxious to know where my newborn was, I traipsed down the hospital hallway where I easily located him by following the sounds of his cries. He had been bathed, dressed, wrapped and left to cry himself to sleep. Something he was simply incapable of. Without movement he could not settle. If left in a cot he would cry. And cry. And cry. Becoming more wound up as time went on rather than wearing himself out like most babies.

After 24 hours I checked out of the hospital as I felt guilty for Harri continually disturbing the other mothers and babies, and figured at least at home my husband would be able to take over Harri's care so I could get some sleep. And from that time on sleep became a rare luxury for all three of us. Both day and night became a blurred focus on getting this kid to settle. Bassinets that bounced, mechanical swings, slings, exercise balls, laps around the block, and occasionally leaving him to cry because we had reached the end of our rope and it was safer for Harri to cry alone than be handled by frustrated and sleep deprived parents.

When he reached 8 months and I was sure he had the cognitive capacity to understand a routine process I sleep trained him for day sleeps. After three days he could be put down for a midday nap, which he continues to have to this day. He was ready, and so was I. Then we used a similar method for night sleep. Which proved far more painful to implement.

'Experts' recommend children sleep 10-12 hours a night. I doubt Harri would have ever slept that long. He goes to bed easily at 7pm each night, but at some stage usually between 1am and 3am, he will awake then toss and turn for the next hour or so. I know this because during my own insomniac episodes I hear him through the baby monitor. He wakes periodically at other times also.

It seems to me neurological rather than habitual as it is a pattern of a life time, this restlessness. How a two year old can lie in bed for such extended periods of time with no attention or stimuli and remain awake can only be explained by some unusual mental activity as far as I can tell. And it has led me to wonder if perhaps we should consider Melatonin to assist him to stay asleep.

In talking to other parents of children on the spectrum, it seems quite a lot of our kids are using it, and the results have been "life changing" to quote one mum. I am aware this is not always the case however, and so I am facing this decision, like most others we contemplate, with no certainty and lots of apprehension. I would probably not even consider it if I thought lack of sleep was not impacting him during the day, but I do see some behaviours I suspect are the result of being tired. The thing is how do I know if I don't try whether he could be functioning and learning at a higher level than currently? Yet instinctively the Melatonin path feels premature, although I cannot articulate why. I just know that a lot of my decisions in terms of how I have managed Harri over the last (almost) three years have been based on hunches, and so far it's worked. So do I continue to follow my gut, or is it possible I am simply reacting to the idea of my child being medicated?

Another quandary to negotiate. Another issue to perpetuate my own sleeplessness.