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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Me, Myself and I.

Continuing on my 'what's good about having an ASD kid' theme, I have finally found the key to living a self centred life, in the best possible way. Like a lot, if not most women, in times past I would have been more concerned about pleasing others than being true to my own needs. The most obvious manifestation of that in my life was to attend events such as work functions and all manner of other social gatherings based on a sense of obligation rather than genuine want. So motivated by concern of what people may think if I didn't. Now I don't care. Finally.

For 20 years I undertook a personal quest to overcome this people pleasing mind set. And failed dismally most of the time. Now, in the course of one life changing day, I have wrested myself from this self imposed trap. I no longer care what anyone thinks of me. Suddenly the course of my life is clearly set out and so all consuming I have no time left for petty concerns. This is a liberating experience. Albiet under trying circumstances.

Interestingly, while previously I was not one to suffer fools, I am conversely, now more tolerant. My sons disability has offered me a broader understanding of the human condition. This is startling, as one may have thought a decade of being a social worker would have achieved that end.

There are days when I hate Autism. I hate what it deprives my son of. And what it may expose him to in the future. But amongst the concern are these gifts. I don't want to sound all Oprah here, but I really do see these changes in my life as blessings from Harri. Life is a long way from perfect, but there are some things to be thankful for. And I'll take whatever I can get.

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