So we survived our crazy brave adventure around UK and Europe. Returned as we left, together and semi sane. So what great lessons were learnt about travelling with kids who are more challenging than the average? Nothing practical it turns out. But on reflection an important realisation about expectations.
Be mindful about the expectations you hold for others. Although if they're low you may be pleasantly surprised, more often than not expectations can lead to disappointment. Trick is realising that we even hold them let alone whether or not they are reasonable. What does this have to do with the trip? The thing I learnt in the moments when I was most stressed and wondering why the hell we'd contemplated the idea of dragging two kids across the globe was that any sense of being let down was predicated upon an expectation of how it 'should' be. How I envisaged a holiday - peaceful, interesting, engaging and exhilarating. Not boring, frustrating, stressful and exhausting. But of course it was all those things
at varying times.
It would be easy to place the blame for a lot of the stress on Harri's shoulders as he destroyed his way across Europe. Smashing crockery, plugging up drain pipes, swapping light bulbs from lamp to lamp breaking many in the process, pealing paint off walls, breaking chairs, fans, bath plugs, running off and so on. But any expectations we had that he would not engage in these behaviours was actually the problem. The expectation we could sit back with a glass of wine and a good book knowing what we do about our little guy is foolhardy, and the joke's on us.
Questioning my expectations when I found frustration rising helped. It continues to help since arriving home. I assure you, it's valuable for everyone in all situations. Examining how we set ourselves up for annoyance by not being truthful about our own expectations reveals how much we actually do this. And how so much of our disappointment in others stems from our own, often unreal, attempts to forecast another persons behaviours, usually in ways that suit us, then we think we're entitled to feel let down. News flash, we don't. The sooner we set this simple yet simultaneously difficult philosophy into practice the sooner the realisation how much it permeates your thinking...and hopefully awareness will help to mitigate some of this propensity. It has for me.
So there's my great holiday epiphany, which really wasn't any great revelation so much as traveling presented unlimited opportunities to practice awareness so that I became hyper conscious of my own expectation prevalence.
On the upside, both the kids handled the endless changes and travel beautifully. My worst expectation was that Harri would be uncontrollably restless during the long hauls yet he and Ali were a delight on all four flights exceeding expectations by so far I'm still stunned, and has returned with the travel bug asking continuously when we are going "back on the A-380". Most importantly we've created some brilliant memories as a family, and I don't regret a minute.
Be mindful about the expectations you hold for others. Although if they're low you may be pleasantly surprised, more often than not expectations can lead to disappointment. Trick is realising that we even hold them let alone whether or not they are reasonable. What does this have to do with the trip? The thing I learnt in the moments when I was most stressed and wondering why the hell we'd contemplated the idea of dragging two kids across the globe was that any sense of being let down was predicated upon an expectation of how it 'should' be. How I envisaged a holiday - peaceful, interesting, engaging and exhilarating. Not boring, frustrating, stressful and exhausting. But of course it was all those things
at varying times.
It would be easy to place the blame for a lot of the stress on Harri's shoulders as he destroyed his way across Europe. Smashing crockery, plugging up drain pipes, swapping light bulbs from lamp to lamp breaking many in the process, pealing paint off walls, breaking chairs, fans, bath plugs, running off and so on. But any expectations we had that he would not engage in these behaviours was actually the problem. The expectation we could sit back with a glass of wine and a good book knowing what we do about our little guy is foolhardy, and the joke's on us.
On the upside, both the kids handled the endless changes and travel beautifully. My worst expectation was that Harri would be uncontrollably restless during the long hauls yet he and Ali were a delight on all four flights exceeding expectations by so far I'm still stunned, and has returned with the travel bug asking continuously when we are going "back on the A-380". Most importantly we've created some brilliant memories as a family, and I don't regret a minute.
Wow, I take my hat off to you. I am really hoping that one day I will be able to do this with my asd boy. Good to hear that you don't regret it.
ReplyDeleteThanks BSoL,
DeleteIve talked with a few parents who've done the same, some of us with two spectrum kiddo's and weve all said similar things, more or less. Its hard work, but its better than not doing it at all. ALthough Id add that's not always the case and clearly we know when our children are ready for something this big. WE took a punt and it paid off. I hope you get the same opportunity.
I dream of a family holiday. Congratulations on making it through and giving the rest of us hope.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Ariene, I hope you make it happen.
ReplyDelete:) I dig what you say. Incidentally, my hubby and I are classic Vacation Ruiners. I feel Wylie's pretty lucky, bc we empathize to the max. Vacations suck, and we're gonna take all y'all down with us, muahahaha. Oh, wait, I mean. I will eventually teach my children how to behave on vacations. Or something. ;)
ReplyDeletehaha.
DeleteYes, traveling generally, and especially abroad is a huge challenge. The first time we went to France, my youngest only survived [once we'd run out of our personal supplies of Goldfish Crackers] on Pommes Frites and chocolate gateaux - breakfast / lunch / dinner. Luckily we passed ourselves off as weird indulgent Americans.
ReplyDeleteI cant imagine the challenge of travelling with kids who are fussy eaters. As you can see from the pics above my kids are 'good on the tooth'. Crepe's, croissants, pizza and pasta (they love their carbs) kept us going through Europe.
DeleteThanks for stopping by and commenting Maddy.