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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

More Misery.

The best mummy blogs world wide tend to be both irreverant and humorous. Dont' expect to see this blog rocket to the top of the 10 best blogs of all time list any day soon. In keeping with the saying 'misery loves company' consider todays post an accompaniment to yesterdays. More morose mumblings.

Yesterday while waiting to collect my daughter, Harri was meandering around the school courtyard. At one stage three little boys launched into a spontaneous game of chasey. They went screaming past Harri who was so captivated by this sudden burst of excitement near him he was shaking. He let out a delighted squeal and watched intently as they once more ran past him. It seemed to me he was desperate to join in but had no clue how to initiate a response. He was rooted to the spot both fascinated and immobilised. It hit me in a flash that this may be the story of his social life. So keen to join, but permanently isolated by a brain that does not know how to breech the gap between his world and others.

It was so overwhelmingly sad to watch I was caught out by welling tears. Then the siren went and I had to snap out of it, put on my happy mummy school face, and enter the class. Of course my daughter wanted a friend to come home to play, as if all day at school isn't long enough. Her response to no was hyper emotional and I was in no mood by now for negotiating. I just wanted to get the hell out of there before I dropped my emotional bundle and stood sobbing in the middle of the classroom. It was not a happy mummy face on the way out as I grabbed my daughters wrist and marched out to the car. Harri on hip, wriggling to get away from me.

Later when things had calmed, I tried to explain to my daughter that it was my job as her parent to teach her how to be a good and considerate person. And one of the toughest things to learn in life is that you don't always get what you want. It's how you deal with those inevitable disappointments that will determine the quality of your life (yes I did use those words). She didn't seem to take a lot of what I was saying in. And on reflection I think I was giving myself a pep talk more than her a loving lecture. I realised my earlier reaction to Harri's social inertia had contained a lot of projection, and a touch of self pity if I'm honest. So I'll try to take a bit more of my own advice. I'll work at keeping the worst case scenarios to the back of the brain for now. There's enough real time hassles to work through without worrying about a future that may never eventuate.

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