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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Coming down.

My husband, with kids in company, has just left for the country. His sister is visiting so they are heading South for a few days. For the first time in 2 years I will be alone. I'm grateful for the peace. The opportunity to take in this Autism diagnosis. And perhaps have a cry without feeling self conscious because I have kids to drop off, pick up, shopping to do etc. (I get puffy eyes and red face when I sob).

I am on to my 4th book on the topic. Nothing has been reassuring. I realise I knew nothing about the complexities of this brain disorder. The stats are terrifying. Aspergers people are prone to depression, anxiety disorders, OCD, phobias, and more worrying, suicide. Very few manage to live independently, and most struggle to find and maintain employment.

The insomnia is back. Each night about 2am I awake. And stay that way til around 5am. That's about 30 mins before Harri wakes. I'm keeping a lid on my anxiety for now but I feel it nipping at my heels. WE are due to fly to Bali soon and I am worrying, rather than looking forward to it. I am not sure Harri will settle in such a stimulating environment. I worry he may be overwhelmed and not sleep well. Basically. at the moment, I just worry. A lot.

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